Love's Ultimate Test
by ktslayer
Summary: It’s Spike and it’s Angel in the ultimate contest for Buffy’s love: The Dating Game. Who will win, who will prove their undying love, and why won’t Faith get off Andrew?!
1. Part 1

Title: Love's Ultimate Test  
  
Author: ktslayer  
  
Discription: It's Spike and it's Angel in the ultimate  
contest for Buffy's love: The Dating Game. Who will win, who  
will prove their undying love, and why won't Faith get off  
Andrew?!  
  
Category: Romance Humor  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: Up to BTVS "Touched" AtS "Home"  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but after I'm done, the person who  
does may not want them anymore. (Wait!--he already doesn't..so,  
can I have them??.okay okay,--were all bitter)  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~  
  
"I'm the boss, I'm so in charge, I'm the Queen." Buffy hummed as she strode, flanked by her army of Slayers in Training.  
  
"Buffy," her sister warned, "We can hear you."  
  
"Ooops! I'm just so glad to be back in charge.after," she mumbled, :that darn Kennedy was shot down-haa haa-and you all came to your senses about Faith's leadership qualities."  
  
"We can still hear you, Buffy," Dawn repeated slower.  
  
"Sorry," Buffy said. Buffy was leading the group...to wear she did not know. She just wanted to show *her* leadership qualities and take them on a pointless hike through the city.  
  
"So, speaking of Faith, where is she? -ha-or who is she doing now?" she asked.  
  
"Not me!" Xander quipped.  
  
"I think she shacked up with Andrew tonight." Spike supplied blankly. Faith, apparently sex deprived from too much time shut up in the slammer, had decided to do every male left in Sunny-D, and the rest of the gang was hawing a hard time getting her to fight.  
  
"Dawn," Buffy instructed, "Go and get her."  
  
"Don't you think-" Spike started.  
  
"Yes, go with her and detach her from the sexy-err-nerd." Buffy said.  
  
As Buffy dragged the SIT around town, Dawn and Spike trekked home. As they strode around the corner, Angel popped out of the bushes.  
  
"Bloody hell!" Spike screeched.  
  
"I hate when that happens," Dawn said, "Why do they always jump out of the bushes?!"  
  
"Hey Dawn," Angel smiled smugly at her and turned to Spike frowning, "Spike."  
  
"Bloody hell!!" Spike screamed again his leather jacket flapping around him as his arms flew wildly.  
  
"Watcha doing here?" Dawn asked.  
  
"I'm here for the fight," Angel said.  
  
"Oh," Dawn said.  
  
"Where's Buffy?" Angel asked.  
  
"BLOODDDDDY HE-" Spike screeched, for a third time.  
  
"Okay, Spike, we get it!" Dawn yelled.  
  
"What is that boring poof doing in town?" Spike asked.  
  
"I think he said he's here to help, Spike." Dawn said slowly.  
  
"Oh, well." Spike said awkwardly, "Nice to see you, old chap. We've got a mission. We'll be seeing ya'."  
  
"Oh, well," Angel started, "Do you know where I can find Buffy?"  
  
"Sorry, no." Spike said as he hurried off.  
  
"She's around town." Dawn answered. "We're going to get Faith."  
  
"Yeah, I ran into her at the house," Angel said, "She tried to seduce me and kept saying 'three-somes are fun, Angie-boy'."  
  
"Oh, posh. This is going to be bloody harder than I thought," Spike grumbled.  
  
Angel left and went to find Buffy. Not wanted to squander his hunkish hero-boy persona he had worked so hard to attain, he had come bearing an ugly necklace that supposedly would save the day.  
  
"I'm not boring," Angel coaxed to himself as he walked through the Sunnydale cemetery. (Ahh, one of them, anyways)  
  
"I'm," he stood up straight and in an odd 'manly man' voice he said, "I'm the good looking hero. Fighting evil, *with style*." After standing erect, and pondering in his wonderfulness, he continued through to find his evil-fighting love-interest counterpart Buffy.  
  
Meanwhile, Buffy continued to lead her army of teenaged slayer wannabees.  
  
"The key to being a good slayer," Buffy lectured, "Is standing your ground, never giving up, and the element of surprise."  
  
"Is that why you haven't quit talking for an hour in a half?" Amanda mumbled.  
  
"What was that?" Buffy snapped.  
  
"What are we doing anyways," another SIT asked.  
  
"Reconnaissance." Buffy provided. "One of the important steps in every operation."  
  
"Is that what you call the stop at the ice cream store where only you got ice cream?" Another asked.  
  
"I guess," Buffy said after a moment to think.  
  
The girls continued to complain, and Buffy quieted them. "We can go back and work up a plan. Or, I can," Buffy said.  
  
"Well, alright," Xander said, "Let's go."  
  
Back at home, Spike was pounding on the door between him and Faith and Andrew. Putting his ear to the door to listen, he prayed he would repress everything he heard.  
  
"Just a sec--" Faith yelled.  
  
"Oh, bloody hell," Spike moaned as a grumbly 'Come her big-boy' penetrated to bedroom door.  
  
"Let's go, Faith. Buffy needs you for the fight." Spike said.  
  
"Alright, alright. I'm getting ready." Faith yelled.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Faith was ready to go, and her, Spike and Dawn left to find Buffy.  
  
"You have fun kids!" Andrew yelled from the front porch as they left, " set your phasers on kill!"  
  
"I just love him-he's so funny." Faith waved as Spike and Dawn rolled their eyes.  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~ 


	2. Part 2

AN: Sorry for taking so long, I was gone this weekend and couldn't post. Here is the rest! I want to thank everyone for reviewing, and if you haven't please do! Thanks!  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~  
Just about this time, Angel ran into Buffy.  
  
"I heard you needed some help." Angel said.  
  
"Angel, yeah. I mean, yup we do." Buffy stumbled.  
  
"Okay, well, I brought this thing" he help up the ugly necklace Lilah had given him. "It's suppose to save the world."  
  
"Oh," Buffy mumbled.  
  
"Yup," Angel said, as they got closer. In a few moments, they were on the floor in what can only be described as an overly passionate kiss.  
  
In the spirit of good timing, Spike walked up just as Angel and Buffy were starting to roll.  
  
"BloooodY HELLLLLL!!!" Spike screamed in an all too girly way.  
  
Buffy looked up at Spike, shrugged her shoulders and put her attention back on Angel.  
  
"This is not fair!" Spike whined, "This is not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair. He just comes waltzing back to Sunnydale and then gets all the attention right way!"  
  
"You're right Spike," Buffy said, "We'll got someplace else."  
  
"No!" Spike said, " Can't we have some kind of contest? Why does he always get the good stuff? His hair sticks up!"  
  
"Okay," Buffy said. "We'll have a contest-ewww-how about 'The Dating Game'?"  
  
Spike looked up from his mopeing, "Well..okay."  
  
"Angel?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Okay," Angel said confident in his manly status.  
  
"Okay then," Buffy started, "The winner gets me, and the loser--"  
  
"Gets one night with me!" Faith squealed, butting in.  
  
"Yeah, whatever, Faith." Buffy shrugged off.  
  
In a few minutes, they had the game set up. The SITs were in an 'audience' on the graveyard floor, and Spike and Angel were perched on head stones.  
  
"Alright," Buffy said, "Vampire with a soul bachelor number one: What would you do if you were stuck in a bathroom with a nude bisexual asking for a tennis racket?"  
  
"Umm," Spike and Angel started simultaneously.  
  
"Hey, I am bachelor number one!" Spike shouted.  
  
"What?!" Angel shot back, "I had a soul a long time before you ever did."  
  
"Oh, you thing you can just prance back here with your Nancy-boy spiky hair and expect everyone to bow to your supreme boringness." Spike stood up straighter and wagged his head back and forth as he talked.  
  
"You're the one who was in a lame neutered vampire-whose greatest accomplishment was taming the *nutcase* Drusilla-Oh wait, you couldn't even do that!" Angel said, smugly.  
  
"Boys, boys," Buffy said, "You are not making this easy. Now quit your whining, or your both going in the corner!"  
  
"Yeah, well who made her crazy, you dang poof" Spike said under his breath.  
  
"I heard that!" Buffy scolded. "Okay, Angel, you are Vampire with a soul bachelor number one."  
  
"Oh, posh!" Spike whined.  
  
"Okay, were are going to have to throw out question number one because of a little dispute we had giving the party too much time to think of an answer." She coughed suggestively at the two vampires, "So, Bachelor number two, here is your question: What would you consider your greatest asset?" Buffy asked as she read from an invisible question card.  
  
"I would have to say my abs," Spike said after little contemplation.  
  
"No!" Angel said in disbelief, "You don't think it's your sexy British accent?"  
  
"Well" Spike explained, "Girls really go for the accent, but I went with the abs because they help in fighting off demons, and such. Plus, ever since I got my bow flex my abs have really flattened," Spike said as he picked up his shirt and let Angel examine his sculpted abs.  
  
"Humm," Angel said apparently unsatisfied, yet intrigued. "I still would have gone with the accent."  
  
"Okay, that's enough, boys." Buffy said in her best game show host voice. "This next question is for Vampire with a soul bachelor number one."  
  
Angel sat up straighter and ignored his competitor, who was kicking the side of Angel's tombstone.  
  
"What do you consider the most romantic food?" Buffy read as if she didn't expect the question.  
  
"Ewh!" Spike yelled.  
  
"Umm," Buffy said, coughing disapprovingly. This question is for soul heavy vampire number ONE."  
  
"But I got a good answer!" Spike said mouth watering at the thought of his beloved blooming onions.  
  
"I'm gonna say mint chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream," Angel said remembering his lost day with Buffy.  
  
"Oh, you sodding romantic!" Spike mumbled.  
  
"Good answer!" Buffy smiled, as a quiet commotion came from the audience.  
  
"Oh, shit," Faith swore unhappily.  
  
"This is bloody stupid, slayer," Spike said afraid he was losing the upper hand. "Can't you just pick?"  
  
"Just on more question for each of you, then I'll make my decision," Buffy said authoritatively.  
  
Spike crossed his arms and exhaled loudly to show his defiance.  
  
"This is for both of you, starting with bachelor number two-" Buffy started but was interrupted.  
  
"That's not fair!" Spike shouted, "He'll have longer to think about it!"  
  
"Well, what do you expect me to do about that, Spike?" Buffy answered.  
  
" Well, you can whisper it," Spike said softly, " There *are* other ways, slayer." HE finished loudly.  
  
"Well, alright," Buffy walked over to Spike and whispered in his ear.  
  
"Slayer?!" Spike said in disbelief as he listened to her question. "There are little children here!"  
  
"Just answer the *sodding* question," Angel mocked.  
  
After exhaling loudly, Spike said, "Why the hell do I have to anser this.." he looked up exhaling loudly." Fine. What would I do if you were to come in the room, covered head to toe in maple syrup and whipped cream..I'd get me some ice vream and make me a Sunday."  
  
"Good answer, Spike," Buffy rewarded. "Now, bachelor number one, what is your response?"  
  
"Won't that be too sticky?" Angel said, " I think I'd tell you to take a shower-a hot one to get the syrup off."  
  
"Interesting answer, Angel," Buffy said.  
  
"Oh, posh!" Spike roared, "He bloody butchered the whole concept!"  
  
"So, who are you not gonna pick?" Faith cried impatiently.  
  
"I have to tell you both something," Buffy confessed to the two vampires, "I'm already seeing someone, else."  
  
At that moment, Andrew transported, sparkly lights and all next to Buffy. " Were getting married!!" Buffy squealed excitedly.  
  
"What?!" Spike yelled.  
  
"I've got the ugly necklace," Angel said, " and the hair, and the body, and."  
  
Buffy and Andrew linked arms and merrily skipped off. The SIT dispersed and left Spike and Angel alone in the graveyard.  
  
"I'm a fool. I should have seen it." Spike said sadly.  
  
"Hey, don't beat your self up, son." Angel coaxed. "She fooled both of us."  
  
"Hey, thanks ole grandsire." Spike said taking Angel into an awkward embrace.  
  
"You think maybe we can throw a few?" Angel said as he threw a baseball that had mysteriously appeared up and down.  
  
"Yeah," Spike said, " I'd like that," he said finally sparking a smile.  
  
"Hey!" Faith said her presence previously ignored. "You both lost- don't forget it!" She eyed both of the vampires and seductively said, " I'll be waiting."  
  
"Okay, Faith." Angel said, staring fondly into Spike's eyes.  
  
"We don't need that sodding slayer," Spike exclaimed as he threw the baseball to his grandsire.  
  
"No," Angel said, loudly, "Then mumbled, "...but I'll be getting her back."  
  
At the same time, Spike's thoughts mirrored Angel's.  
  
"So, you gonna drain him?" Angel asked.  
  
"Most definitely, good idea, old champ," Spike smiled.  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~  
  
Stay tuned, as Angel and Spike conspire to kill of Andrew then fight for the woman they both love--Buffy. 


End file.
